Really?

So this morning I was dying to see Ben and just kiss him and hang out but of course he had to come in my house questioning me why I was already dressed... Are you fucken kidding me? I got really mad because I had pictured us laughing and CUDDLING but oh well... I don't understand why we can't seem to be on the same page... In addition I found out he lied to me about something stupid so it makes me wonder what else could he be lying about? I feel like moving in now wouldn't be the best thing for us right now but I also don't think I want to live with Maria anymore, I want a small place to myself where I can do all I want to do and have anybody I want. Now I'm doing some research about low income housing to see if I can afford anything on my own... I don't want to be messed up with Amanda and leave her hanging by not moving in. Maybe I should still give it a try with Ben and see what its like to live with him, who knows maybe he will be a different person once I'm there

him

Today I woke up feeling lonely, a way I haven't felt in a really long time... I don't know what to do anymore, this relationship is tiring but I love him and I want to be with him... I hate the fact that his timing is way off and he never seems to do things at the right time. sometimes I wonder if falling for him was a way for the universe to punish me for my wrong doing in the past but I guess I'll never know... I'm always trying to stay positive but this time it doesn't seem to work, I don't want to argue with him anymore but I also don't want him out of my life. Last night, a guy I used to talk to texted me to ask me if I was still interested, I mean I'm not gonna lie I thought about it for a second cuz he does have a lot to offer but I.know I could never be happy with him, so I told him I was in a relationship. Normally, I like having options because I don't want to miss out on something great but deep down I knew that I am still commtted to Ben.